Edbear
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« Reply #15 on: July 31, 2009, 07:45:08 PM » |
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My job is so secret if I ever find out what I'm doing I have to kill myself.
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Edbear
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« Reply #16 on: August 03, 2009, 07:58:59 PM » |
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Duck!
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My job is so secret if I ever find out what I'm doing I have to kill myself.
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Edbear
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« Reply #17 on: August 05, 2009, 03:22:54 PM » |
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A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all." Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really good with the kids."  |
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My job is so secret if I ever find out what I'm doing I have to kill myself.
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Edbear
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« Reply #18 on: August 21, 2009, 09:56:18 PM » |
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History
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My job is so secret if I ever find out what I'm doing I have to kill myself.
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Enn
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Ex-chef
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« Reply #19 on: October 30, 2009, 04:11:06 PM » |
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Whats the difference between a doctor and a plumber?? A plumber has to go back and fix his mistakes a doctor buries them........ |
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''Never have so many been fooled by so few''
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Edbear
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« Reply #20 on: November 05, 2009, 07:54:32 AM » |
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Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has made a startling discovery in
finding the heaviest element yet known to science.
The new element, Governmentium (Gv) has one neutron, 25 assistant
neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving
it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are
surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be
detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into
contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would
normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to
complete.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2-6 years. It does not decay,
but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the
assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since
each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming
isodopes.
This characteristic of morons promotion leads some scientists to believe
that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical
concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical
morass deposits. The location of Governmentium deposits is found in
every state capital. with a mother lode in Washington, D.C.
When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an
element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has
half as many peons, but twice as many morons.
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My job is so secret if I ever find out what I'm doing I have to kill myself.
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Edbear
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« Reply #21 on: November 20, 2009, 09:53:08 AM » |
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Ummm, is this a FAIL..?
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Edbear
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« Reply #22 on: December 01, 2009, 02:59:55 PM » |
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Funny that...
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Edbear
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« Reply #23 on: December 07, 2009, 01:00:12 PM » |
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We are not amused...
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My job is so secret if I ever find out what I'm doing I have to kill myself.
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Edbear
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« Reply #24 on: January 18, 2010, 06:27:48 PM » |
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Actual Medical Record Entries Mistakes From Doctors
Discharge status: alive but without permission.
The patient has been depressed ever since
she began seeing me in 1983.
The patient refused an autopsy.
The patient has no past history of suicides.
Patient has left his white blood cells
at another hospital.
Between you and me, we ought to be able
to get this lady pregnant.
She is numb from her toes down.
Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
Since she can’t get pregnant with her husband,
I thought you would like to work her up.
Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.
Both breasts are equal and reactive
to light and accommodation.
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My job is so secret if I ever find out what I'm doing I have to kill myself.
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Edbear
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« Reply #25 on: January 29, 2010, 01:48:48 PM » |
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Old Harold is in the hospital...
________________________________________
Harold was an old man. He was sick and in the hospital.
There was one young nurse that just drove him crazy.
Every time she came in, she would talk to him like he
was a little child.
She would say in a patronizing tone of voice,
'And how are we doing this morning', or 'Are we
ready for a bath', or 'Are we hungry?'
Old Harold had had enough of this particular nurse.
One day, at breakfast, Old Harold took the apple juice off the tray and put it in his bed side stand.
Next, he was given a urine bottle to fill for testing.
So you know where the juice went!
The nurse came in a little later, picked up the urine bottle and looked at it.
'My, it seems we are a little cloudy today '
At this, Old Harold snatched the bottle out of her hand, popped off the top, and drank it down, saying, 'Well, I'll run it through again. Maybe I can filter it better this time.' The nurse threw up!
Old Harold just smiled!
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My job is so secret if I ever find out what I'm doing I have to kill myself.
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Edbear
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« Reply #26 on: April 21, 2010, 07:58:42 PM » |
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Have you calculated your retirement?
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My job is so secret if I ever find out what I'm doing I have to kill myself.
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yzhardy
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« Reply #27 on: May 15, 2010, 09:58:26 PM » |
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Do you work edbear?  ? |
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Edbear
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« Reply #28 on: July 29, 2010, 10:22:37 AM » |
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Do you work edbear? ? I have been known to... |
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My job is so secret if I ever find out what I'm doing I have to kill myself.
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Edbear
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« Reply #29 on: August 09, 2010, 06:32:16 PM » |
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Dear Hiring Manager, Thank you for your letter of March 16. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me a position in your department. This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals. Despite your companies' outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore, I will assume the position in your department this August. I look forward to seeing you then. Best of luck in rejecting future applicants. Sincerely, Interviewee |
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My job is so secret if I ever find out what I'm doing I have to kill myself.
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