*PECANS IN THE CEMETERY*
 
 On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just
 inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of
 nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.
 
 'One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me,'
 said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.
 
 Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he
 thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to
 investigate. Sure enough, he heard, 'One for you, one for me. One for
 you, one for me.'
 
 He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just
 around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.
 
 'Come here quick,' said the boy, 'you won't believe what I heard! Satan
 and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls.'
 
 The man said, 'Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk.'
 When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.
 
 Standing by the fence they heard, 'One for you, one for me. One for you,
 one for me.'
 
The old man whispered, 'Boy, you've been telling' me the truth. Let's
 see if we can see the Lord.'
 
 Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable
 to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars
 of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.
 
 At last they heard, 'One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go
 get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done.'
 
 They say the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes ahead of the
 kid on the bike.*

AFL vs NRL...This will open your eyes...


 


 
 
36have been accused of spouse abuse
7 have been arrested for fraud
19 have been accused of writing bad cheques
117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at  least 2 businesses
3 have done time for assault
71,  repeat71  cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
8 have been arrested for shoplifting
21 currentlyare defendants in lawsuits and
84 have been arrested for drunk drivingin the last year


Can   you guess which organization this is? AFL? NRL?


Give   up yet? . . .. .   Scroll down





Neither,

it's the 535 members of theAUSTRALIAN PARLIAMENT





in  CANBERRA


The samegroup of Idiots that crank out hundreds of new laws each year, designed to keep the rest of us in line.

You've   got to pass this one on!

Just how deep?

Time to trade in the mitsi for an isuzu lol i love it when the cabs one foot off being totaly submerged and hes still got the wipers going..."Damb boys that rains so heavy today" lol

hi guys,
A young jackaroo from outback Queensland goes off to university, but
halfway through the semester he foolishly has squandered all of his money.
He calls home. 'Dad,' he says, 'you won't believe what modern education is
developing..
They actually have a program here in Brisbane that will teach our dog Ol'
Blue how to talk.'
'That's amazing!' his Dad says. 'How do I get Ol' Blue in that program?'
'Just send him down here with $2,000,' the young jackaroo says, 'I'll get
him in the course.'
So..... his father sends the dog and $2,000.

About two-thirds through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy
calls home.
'So how's Ol' Blue doing, son?' his father wants to know..
'Awesome! Dad, he's talking up a storm... but you just won't believe this.
They've had such good results with talking; they've begun to teach the
animals how to read.'
'Read?' exclaims his father. 'No kidding! How do we get Ol' Blue in that
program?'
'Just send $4,500. I'll get him in the class.'

The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem. At the end of the
year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk nor read so he shoots the dog.
 When he arrives home at the end of the year, his
father is all excited.
'Where's Ol' Blue? I just can't wait to talk with him, and see him read
something!''Dad,' the boy says, 'I have some grim news.

Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ol' Blue was in the
living room,
kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal. Then he
suddenly turned to me and asked,
'So, is your daddy still bonking that little redhead barmaid at the pub?''
The father groans and whispers, 'I hope you shot that bastard before he
talks to your Mother!''I sure did, Dad!''That's my boy!'

The kid went on to be a successful lawyer and was employed by the Board, lol.